Like almost every child in this world, I was also questioning (wondering) where the babies come from. And I have a beautiful theory -- from my innocent thought, which for sure at that time still don't know what the fertilization process is, or the pleasure activity preceding it -- a child comes from hope.

Seperti hampir semua anak kecil di dunia, daku pernah bertanya-tanya, dari manakah datangnya seorang anak? Dan daku pernah mempunyai konsep yang amat sangat indah. Menurut pikiran daku yang waktu itu belum mengenal istilah pembuahan ataupun proses-proses kenikmatan yang mendahuluinya, anak dihasilkan dari pengharapan.

Seperti hampir semua anak kecil di dunia, daku pernah bertanya-tanya, dari manakah datangnya seorang anak? Dan daku pernah mempunyai konsep yang amat sangat indah. Menurut pikiran daku yang waktu itu belum mengenal istilah pembuahan ataupun proses-proses kenikmatan yang mendahuluinya, anak dihasilkan dari pengharapan.

Like almost every child in this world, I was also questioning (wondering) where the babies come from. And I have a beautiful theory — from my innocent thought, which for sure at that time still don't know what the fertilization process is, or the pleasure activity preceding before it — a child comes from hope.

Saat sepasang suami-istri menikah, maka diberkatilah mereka. Mereka akan saling mengasihi dan berdoa bersama akan datangnya seorang anak. Oleh karena itu, tidak jarang kita akan mendengar perkataan, "Mereka masih menunggu datangnya seorang anak dalam kehidupan mereka." Bah, kenapa pakai kata-kata seperti itu? Kesannya terlalu saru. Sampai-sampai muncullah pemikiran bahwa seorang anak tiba-tiba 'diselipkan' begitu saja ke rahim seorang istri. Belakangan aku baru tahu kalau seorang anak itu bukan ditunggu kedatangannya, tapi 'diusahakan'.

When a man and a woman are blessed to become husband and wife, they shall love each other, and then pray together for a coming of a child. Because of that, we are often hear a lot of people say that the couple's hope of getting a child hasn't been granted yet — or they are still hoping (waiting) for a child to enter their life. Walae, why do we use those expression? It seems so ambiguous and made me think that a child can just be slipped into a woman's womb. Finally, I knew that a a child is not for us to wait but it is for us to work out... :)

Yah mungkin juga aku bisa berpikir seperti itu karena dulu belum tahu ada kasus yang istilahhnya 'hamil di luar nikah', 'kecelakaan' ataupun unwanted child. (Lah kalau memang anak didatangkan dengan doa, tentunya atas persetujuan Tuhan dong. Dengan kata lain yang bisa hamil itu cuma istri-istri dari pasangan yang diberkati di tempat ibadah secara agama dan direstui oleh seluruh sanak keluarga). Waktu itu juga sepertinya gelar MBA (Married By Accident) belum begitu populer.

Perhaps it was caused by my naive thinking, I didn't recognize a case of woman got pregnant out of wedlock, "accident" or even "unwanted child." If a child comes from a granted pray so it must comes from GOD's approval. Thus, all wives that are expecting baby is only the blessed ones from all churches, temples, mosque, etc. and must also blessed by the entire family — as at the time, when I was a kid — no such things as MBA (Married By Accident) or that phrase was not (too) popular.

Tapi aku pernah mendengar sebuah berita di televisi yang mengubah konsep 'anak datang dari doa'. Kalau tidak salah ingat, berita tersebut tentang seorang guru yang amat sangat genit dan sangat 'dekat dan akrab' dengan muridnya. (dekat dalam arti, Sangat... dekat sekali dalam makna denotasi)

My concept — a child comes form hope — suddenly changed when I was watching a local news on the TV. If I remembered correctly, it was about a flirty high school teacher, famous to be close to his student — close in the meaning 'too close' in a denotation meaning.

Nah kira-kira laporan yang dibacakan oleh narator (atau apalah namanya yang baca berita pas dikasih gambar) itu berbunyi, "Tersangka terkenal suka memegang-megang siswi. Ada yang pipinya dielus, bahkan ada yang hamil." Sudah bisa ditebak ada yang ada di pikiran daku waktu itu?

The news anchor (the person who read the story when you can see the illustration picture) was telling that the teacher loves to touch the girls. He loves to touch the cheek of the girls and even one of them gets pregnant... Can you guess how wild my imagination is when I heard that news?

"Oh... ternyata mengelus pipi bisa berefek samping hamil!!!" Pikiran daku tidak berhenti di sana, lalu aku mengambil satu kesimpulan teori: "Sentuhan seorang lelaki bisa meresap ke dalam kulit dan akhirnya tiba di perut? Membesar, membesar, dan akhirnya menjadi seorang bayi?" Bahaya bener... Pantesan orang-orang tua selalu bilang, "Ati-ati, jangan tidur sama lelaki!!" Wah, berarti pas tidur seranjang, sebelah-sebelahan, tiba-tiba tengah malam nanti ada 'sesuatu' yang tiba-tiba merayap keluar dari si jantan dan menyusup ke perut betina? Dan DUING!!! Mengembanglah perut sang betina. Tapi, belakangan (saat daku kira-kira udah SMA) tante daku malah bilang, "Tidur sama cowok itu gak papa. Asal bener tidur bareng ya. Kalau gak tidur, nah, itulah yang bahaya!" Hm... ada benarnya juga sih.

"Oh... so you can get pregnant if a man touch your cheek!!!" And my imagination didn't stop at that point. I concluded that a touch of a man can really go through into your skin and then turn up on your tummy. After that, it's getting bigger and bigger, and finally became a baby!! Wow... it's so dangerous... no wonder parents always says to their daughter, "Be careful, don't sleep with a man!!!" Wa... does it mean that if a man and a woman sleep side by side, then something will crawl slowly in the midnight from a man and will slip to a woman's tummy? And then, DUNG!!! The woman's tummy blows up. But, when I was in senior high school, my auntie said, "It's OK to sleep side by side with a man as long as you REALLY sleep!!! If you don't sleep... thus... IT IS DANGEROUS!!!". Hmm, it's quite true.

Oh iya, ngomong-ngomong. Kalau dilihat di komik ataupun di film kartun, ada yang menceritakan bahwa bayi itu didatangkan oleh burung besar! (entah jenis apa dan dari mana) Wah... kalau dipikir-pikir, aneh juga ya cerita ini, kira-kira masih ada anak kecil yang percaya gak ya? Soalnya menurut fakta, banyak hewan termasuk burung tentunya, terancam punah karena ekspansi wilayah yang dilakukan manusia ke habitat mereka di alam. Lalu di mana letak logikanya kalau pembawa kelahiran itu sendiri terancam punah sementara manusia malah semakin banyak? Yah, mungkin memang seharusnya cerita film kartun tidak boleh dianggap serius.

By the way, comics or cartoons are often tell us that a big bird (a type of crane?) will bring the babies... This story, according to me, is quite funny... do you think that many children still believe that? It's funny for me since, as you know, that a lot of animal, including birds are already in the rare category... almost gone because of human's expansion to their environment in the nature. So, where is the logical thinking, if the carrier itself are almost gone but human are getting more and more? Yeah, maybe that's way we may not consider cartoon movies so seriously.

Mari kita ke tahap selanjutnya, hal lahir melahirkan. Hm.. kayanya daku mengerti istilah 'caesar' terlebih dahulu daripada lahir alami. Kenapa bisa begitu? Gampang saja alasannya.

Let's move on to the next level... I think I understood Caesar operation as a delivery method earlier than the natural one... How could it be so? It was a very simple reason...

Setelah bayi tumbuh besar di dalam perut, ia perlu segera dikeluarkan sebelom perut ibunya meledak. Nah cara paling cepat adalah membuka perut ibu, mengeluarkan bayi, lalu kita tutup kembali. Hampir persis sama seperti cara kerja resleting. Bagaimana prosesnya secara lebih mendetail? Ah peduli amat sama tetek bengek proses 'caesar' itu. Toh dokter pasti punya obat bius kan? Tinggal suntik sana suntik sini, siaplah perut ibu dibelek tanpa rasa sakit.

My thinking was... after a baby grows in mum's tummy, he/she should be out of it before his/her mum's tummy explodes, so the easiest way is to open mum's tummy and then, close it up again. It almost looks like if we close up our zipper... How are the details of the process? Shall we care? No need, right? There are doctors to give the mummies a sleeping shots... shoot here... shoot there and mummy's tummy is ready to be opened without any pain.

Pada waktu masih SD, seorang teman menceritakan teorinya yang lebih ajaib lagi. Katanya, sebenarnya saat ibu hamil, isi perutnya adalah cairan. Lalu bagaimana cara melahirkan? Dengan penuh keyakinan dia berkata, "Melalui cara yang sama kaya kencing." "Heh? Kenapa bisa begitu? Kalau yang keluar cuma cairan, bayinya mana? Apa harus dibekukan sampai pada suhu 0°C? Pake cetakan kue?" "Denger dulu dong. Setelah semua cairan dikeluarkan, kempeslah perut si mama. Tugas dokter adalah memastikan agar cairan tersebut tertampung seluruhnya dengan baik. Jangan sampai ada yang tumpah! Nanti bisa-bisa bayinya cacat. Setelah ditampung, biarkan beberapa lama, lalu dengan sendirinya air kencing itu akan berubah menjadi seorang bayi!!!"

Another theory is come from my primary school's friend... and it is more imaginary than mine. He said that the pregnant mummy contains of a kind of liquid. If so, then how to deliver the baby? With full confidence, he said, "Using the same way like we go to urinate." "Huh? How come it is like that? If it's only liquid, so where is the baby? Do we have to freeze it in 0ºC and use a cake molder to shape the baby?" "Hey!!! Please hear it first!!! After all the liquid is out, of course mummy's tummy is smaller... then the doctor is supposed to make sure that he get all the liquid and there is no even one drop goes wasted, so the baby will be a healthy and complete baby. After that, the doctor shall keep the liquid for awhile... and then... abracadabra... By itself, the liquid turns to a baby!!!"

Heh? Kok gaya penjelasannya bahkan kaya di resep-resep masakan? (setelah matang, biarkan beberapa lama, lalu makanan siap dihidangkan). Mungkin juga teman daku itu berpikir kalau setelah cairan itu ditampung, lalu dimasukkan ke dalam inkubator. Jadi guna inkubator seperti guna oven pada pembuatan roti. Masukkan cairan, lalu cairan tersebut akan mengembang, sebagian menjadi daging, tulang, sebagian besar masih berupa cairan, yaitu darah. Mungkin teman daku itu terinspirasi untuk membandingkan antara inkubator ( yang bentuknya kotak) yang di rumah sakit dan oven (kotak juga!) yang ada di dapur.

The way she told me the theory sounded like told me about food recipes — after it's cooked, leave it for a while, then it's ready to be eaten... It might cross my friend's mind that after the doctor collects all the liquid, he will put it in an incubator. So the function of incubator is the same as the function of an oven when you make a bread. Put the liquid, let it blows up, a part of it will become flesh, bones, and the rest is still a liquid, i.e. blood. Maybe he was inspired by the form of an incubator in the hospital, which is square and the form of an oven (that's also square) in his mummy's kitchen.

Hualu, hualu.. Begitulah kalau para intelektual muda (sekali) berkumpul untuk membahas hal-hal yang segan dijelaskan orang tua. Runyam...

Hualu, hualu.. So, now you know what will happen if (very) young intellectuals gather to discuss things that their parents refuse to explain... Complicated huh?

Update 2006-11-08: Sekarang penulis artikel ini sudah punya situs sendiri.. silakan melihat artikel yang sama di bebekrewel :D

Update 2006-11-08: Now the writer of this article has her own site.. you can see the same article at bebekrewel :D